Future Farmers Beauty Contest? OH BOY!

Ali, one of my first grand children has been an outdoor girl since she was a bouncing baby.  She travelled on her mom's back up in a forest above Cedar City.  You see Megan's first job after she graduated from college was a survey on Cedar Mountain.  Meg timed Ali's birth to arrive the Christmas break before she graduated and so this little girl was watching leaves and the sky and critters from a very young age.  She was never much into fluffy pink things much like her mother who you had to hog tie to wear a dress to church. 
At a very young age Ali would carry around caterpillars and bugs in her pockets, then moved on to lizards and small animals.  Now at 14 she is a horse whisperer, and has several horses she has trained from colts.  For her first vehicle, (she can already drive a tractor) she is fixing up an old truck her Uncle Bruce used to haul water out to the cows.  She will get this rusty piece of junk running long before she can drive it legally on the streets. 
She has entered the county fair and been active in Future Farmer of America for several years showing her prize sheep.  One would think, Okay, a farm girl, and a bit, well, you know on the hokey side.  NOT SO, She is an extremely attractive young lady, quite bright (wants to be a veterinarian, but will most likely get a track scholarship to help with the cost.) and with the added bonus she can get covered in grease or other farm stuff, and still look attractive and feminine enough that her dad is considering setting up an electric fence around their house.

We were surprised a bit when Megan called to tell us Alie had entered in a beauty contest.  Yet not surprised to hear she had won the local contest once we got the full explanation that it was a FFA Beauty contest which consisted of a rope pull, driving a tractor and moving manure from one side of a barn to another, and then the topper was a timed gutting of a fish.

"Oh, no wonder she won."  "And then she had to answer questions," Meg told us.  "Questions on what cut of beef is the most expensive and what grain was selling for the highest price."  Saturday as she moved on to the regional competition she had to change a tractor tire (no problemo) and do several other farm type activities.  Tomorrow will be the portion where she will walk around in a prom dress.  That may be tough as she is much more comfortable in cowboy boots than high heels.  We are waiting to hear how that went...film at 11:00.

"I'm A Bag Lady'

    So here I am…!      Judy Phan took my picture for the back of the book cover for Cedar Fort…She erased some of my wrinkles I think...thank's Judy, Judy Judy (sorry couldn't resist) I am discovering without an agent maneuvering through contracts and lists of things they want at the publisher (*Cedar Fort Inc.)  is a bit of a maze for a novice like me.  At my age I should be sitting and knitting and crocheting.

 Ha! Fat chance for that one…I’m too nervous.  I just read an article they are doing away with lots of the OCD, Attention Deficit Diagnosis… (Which I always thought was a lack of running around and stuff to do, like milk the cows, or plough the south 40 kind of stuff.)

So anyway  I can sit for about 10 min every evening before I begin my pop up routine, do other stuff and then forget what I was doing in the first place, It’s just that when I sit down, then I remember what I need to do and try to get some other chores done. Also Remember I’m a bit OCD and have to keep moving. EXAMPLE:  I drove to Oceanside to see a “lady doctor” to care for my lady issues.  (They keep changing their office…soon it will be in Mexico I think.)  Before it was in Palm Springs, then I went to a guy in Chandler AZ…Palm Springs was a fast drive and if I wanted my brother Tim has a house down there I could stay in If I was too tired to drive back…BUT now the drive down the I-5 it is a bear so on the way home I began to fall asleep.  I stopped to walk around, when I said I was tired and had a bit of a drive one of the ladies near said I should go to Starbucks next door…I didn’t, but It was tempting…then I thought of how much their drinks cost…and the thought was gone. I stoppd at a mall of course…found nice stuff for my husband, but not for me well...too much…although I tried on a bunch…that alone will wear  you out, so by the time I got home I was pooped.(mostly from calculating the percentage of money off I should get at the sales!)

Did I mention this is a replacement blog entry for a previous entry…that I accidently erased due to the changes in the blog site?  Please Please quit doing that whoever is in charge of this blog site!

That reminds me of my sons, who every time they are here change prgrams on our computer.  I think they forget that we with OLD minds do not do well with change.  So if the blog-spot wants to keep us more matur4e writers, they should not keep changing stuff…it takes long enough to learn one program, much less two…or three or more...and even then it is hard to remember what we did to get the site the way we want it…never mind that I keep changing things…that’s so I don’t get bored of looking at the same things. ANYWAY>>>

In the previous message to myself, and I say this because I am still not convinced enough people read this to make it worthwhile…however, I will continue as I believe it may be in some ways soothing to write stuff down.  So I will tell the story again…back to bags…"I am a bag lady."

I have bags for each class I teach Sunday School, nursing classes, and also for a Play I am directing as well as other kinds of church stuff, sewing, knitting, embroidery projects etc.  I even put up a big coat hanger in the room where I have all my projects and have every hook full of a bag…  It keeps we a little organized.  But woe to me If I pick up the wrong bag when I am rushed and going out the door in a hurry.  I have to be very careful as I wouldn’t want books on cardiology for a class I’m teaching on the Bible.  Or to take my crochet bag to my Pharmacology class. 

The other day the phone rang.  Silence.  Then breathing, and"Ah, u-m, so Grammy, We got your package with the purse/bag for mom."  “That’s nice honey, thanks for the call”  "So um Grammy, Ali and Brooke got one for Christmas and now my mom has one…ah um…so…Silence.  So Honey, Beth, you would like one too.” Yep”, she says.  “Well I could make you one if you like.”   “Yep,…sigh” was the answer and then

she hung up.

Oh foolish me, I should have known she would want one since everyone around her has one, so now I have another project on its way and another bag hanging down the hall in my project room.  Hopefully I don't confuse that bag with my Sunday School class bag.

How to make Plastic bag-Bags!!?

Plastic-bag-Bag”…or “Give it to Da Man…bag” http://writergrams.blogspot.com  do not pay for grocery bags!

Since they are now charging at a lot of places for plastic bags because of all the tree hugger green people, (didn’t they used to try and cajole you to use plastic instead of paper?)  I think its fun to go into the store and collect my groceries in bags made out of “their” bags….who needs their stinking bags anyway?  And if milk spills in one you made from their  bags you can put it in the top part of your dish washer for cleaning (the ones you crochet are quite sturdy), re shape it and use again…tada!

You can use any size hook from a g to a J...the bigger the hook the faster it will go, but the more bags you'll use...then you must save about 80-100 plastic give away bags…you can cut them into 1 ½ strips…you don’t need to be neat…start from the bottom of the bag going around.  Roll them up like yarn….you don’t have to do all at once, if you get tired of cutting, go ahead and crochet for a while.  (You can get lots of places to give you extra bags, or have put each item in a separate bag before they charge for bags or the new tax hits.  It is easier to cut if they haven’t been used or all crinkled up!)

Get different colors and designs on bags for different effects…some bags are heavier and the strips can be narrower…changing colors can give a stripe pattern…where the bags are tied together you can weave the ends in…put them hanging on the inside…or the outside…(I like that as it looks fluffy)

Foundation row:  chain to the about 2 inches width of bag you want…anywhere from 12 -25 inches, your bag will be larger than your foundation row.

Bottom:  single crochet in second chain from hook.  Work to end of row.  On end crochet three stitches then single crochet down the other side of chain. (You are going around in a circle…or oblong to be exact) then when you get to the end of the second side of your chain…three single crochet in end and then down the other side with single crochet again, increasing on the end with each row.

Body: Continue crochet around until the bottom is as wide as you want.  Usually 3-5 inches wide, (if you want a very wide bag you may end up doing increases at corner stitches so your bottom doesn’t roll up) now once the bottom is done you will continue going around except you will NOT add stitches when you get to the end.  The work will begin to grow into a bag shape…you may even have to decrease a stitch or two to get it to travel up into the tube (bag shape you want. When you get the body of the bag, make it as deep as you want then bind it off…

Patterns: Different colors make stripes or other patterns with the bag colors or print on bags you have.

Handles:  join yarn at the open end of the bag where you want handle to begin.  Chain to make it the length you desire.  Then single crochet back and forth to the width you want. (I usually do three to four rows)  Each time you are back at the purse top make sure you attach the handle to the body of the bag.  When done then slip stitch other end to the corresponding place on the same side of the bag.  Repeat.

Strength addition:  to make sure the handles are strong, do another row of single crochet around both handles joining at the body of the bag as you go around.  Using a contrasting color bag ads style, whatever that is?

Decoration can be shreds of different colors around or one side, or add, pockets on the inside or out, I like making flowers and sewing with the bag-yarn to the front…are also a nice touch I think.

This will be on my blog with pictures… http://writergrams.blogspot.com   Have fun and when people ask about your bags… you can smile and think inside your head…”I gave it to da man.

I'm not Lazy!

I'm not lazy!  I've been so busy writing...amazing how much time things take.   I'm writing a Radio-Theater piece..."Murder at the Convent", hopefully to be heard on KBET...and to be followed by others.

Also doing an adaptation of "The Ten Virgins" which was way too slow for my liking, without a wit of humor..and half way through watching the tape I was hoping the last five virgins would get married so they didn't have to sing their song of woe!  Sean McLaughlin who is an amazing composer is helping with the music to spice it up....It took four days and over 50 hours to come up with a workable script for a 45 min production...with music. (lyrics by me).  Now I only have to direct the production...a piece of pie, or is that cake?

Then...WONDER OF WONDERS... got a contract in the mail to publish the "Jingle Bell Bum"...any one who got a chance to read it got a freebie....it is now back under wraps awaiting Cove Fort Inc.  tender touch to make it perfect and get it to a book store for at least $5 near you!

Promise to write something of more interest next week...I promise..

Oh by the way, he got up the last door and is now taking off the cottage cheese from the ceiling and putting on a knock down finish.....this may take until 2020   so don't plan to move just yet...so far it's a huge mess, but in the old girl's room upstairs...I can hardly wait (just kidding) for the living room to be blessed by the hand of the hubby....film at eleven...of a murder...or NOT!

What I got for Christmas, reminds me I was like Loretta Young, feel like Napoleon Dynamites' Brother, and had breakfast with Katherine Hepburn.

It has been a fun and interesting holiday, I got for Christmas a neat-o device...a Kindle...yes I admit it...I folded...got another piece of technology...I feel like Napoleon Dynamites' brother.."I love technology", no pages to turn, no nice smell of the book binding.

But then again, it will fit nicely in my clipboard at the hospital and I won't have to rip my trashy novels into pieces to fit in the little space under the clipboard writing area. Oh, yes...I would sneak the pages out during my lunch to read...often hidden in a nursing magazine so I would look studious.

This nice tiny device downloads books pretty quickly, but I was having a bit of a problem getting the thing to work...I hope I have it fixed now that I have taken a total of eight hours fiddling with it...as it is one of those things..."HOW do it know?" If it won't work...since I have no idea how it works in the first place...I would never be able to get it fixed myself...

And have you ever talked to one of those tech-help guys...sitting in India, or some such place...named Peggy of course, they all try to sound like Americans. HA! as if I couldn't tell in two seconds they were on another continent!  Anyway, those guys are a pain and so far I have never had one of them ever help...for example...the story about one day when Mike and I tried to build Patrick a computer and the processor blew up! What a mess!

Against our better judgement we called the help number...The guy on the other end kept saying "What does the bios-say?" "Hey, buddy, the screen is black..blank." I yelled into the receiver, only to get the question again.  "So tell me now, What does the Bios say?"  "Dude", I said loudly, "Can't you get it...no screen on...no bios to SEE or read..."Now mam, (the condescending voice said) simply...take a little peek, What does the Bios say???  I hung up and returned the smoking thing to Fry's electronics...AND, I have to tell you honestly that before I left the return counter I saw them shrink wrap it-up and put a price tag on it..."HEY! that processor does not work...It blew up!" I said,...The guy just looked at me and smiled..."Now are you sure honey?"  I stomped off and I know some tech-slob bought that processor and is cursing out someone thousands of miles away who is asking..."hmmm, now...tell  me...What does the bios say fella?"

Yes I admit I read silly novels at work because after a while how many times can you read about child birth, care plans, wound care, and insulin administration so I do read the occasional book of nonsense, for after 50 years as an RN I feel entitled.

Hey wait a half a mo...No! I can't be that old..no way, impossible!  I was a child nurse I know.  Wore pigtails delivering  my first babies, and when I worked as a research assistant with a doctor who took care of mostly movie stars and politicians, broke the rule frequently "not to go out with patients". Heck, I was a child, and tinsel town was exciting.  I went to more star-studded parties than an astronomer, AND frequently dated people you would know if I mentioned them, but I won't, today.  I broke the rule because I was a kid who thought the rule did not apply to me, and I know my mentor and doctor, Martin Covel  MD. of Beverly Hills and USC. (thought I was more like Loretta Young than anyone he knew because I could not open a door without throwing it aside to make a grand entrance     
...anyway, he surly knew ( don't call me Shirley, sorry I can't help it.) I broke the rules all the time and kept his mouth shut because he knew most of the patients treated me like a mascot of sorts, and would be upset if he fired me.

In fact when I first suggested I leave his employ after I married my Frenchman, he lured me to stay with the same pay, yet dropped me from 8 hours to 5 hours, (quite the deal in those days.)  I did that for another three years, giving B12 shots to hung over actors by driving to the studio, and going to the sets where they were working.  I guess it was a glamorous job now that I think about it, and a good thing there was some bit of cerebral activity to keep my brain busy gathering and assisting to gather data or I would have been very bored.  Weird that it was many years later that I took statistics to get my BSN...since I had been fully immersed in compiling and calculating data for this job not even realizing I was doing a statistical analysis.

For this very gruff doctor (yet a cream puff on the inside) at lunch time we provided him with a fat free diet as he was very rotund.  His wife insisted (he married his first secretary) and I heard, not too long after I left his employ he died of a heart-attack.  He loved rich food, but worst of all he smoked.  He CLAIMED he didn't.  But my Loretta Young behavior of slamming open the sliding doors without a knock...caught him often with a cigarette, which he quickly threw into his trash can...or the drawer with his patient charts where he hid his ashtray. (many of the charts had burn holes in them).  He couldn't fool me...first, because of my great nose...and then because smoke would frequently be wafting from the bottom drawer of his desk as his charts went up in smoke...I would leave and quickly return with a large glass of water...and a towel...then exit his office.  I guess we both had secrets...and told no one.

During those years, the late '60s, I was especially friends with Vicki Carr, and we went to lunch together often.  I think she thought that me in a nurse uniform kept her anonymous as she was a very popular singer at the time.  And whenever Katherine Hepburn who would ride her bike into the office and sleep on the couch in the waiting room while waiting for the doctor to arrive for her physical often we'd walk down to the corner and have breakfast after I drew her blood for tests.  At first I made her toast with jam and coffee, but she said "Dear, I need a more substantial breakfast and would like some company." and I know she did need a bigger breakfast (or so I thought)...as I was quite skinny in those days, but she was very tall and looked even thinner than me.  She wore a scarf on her head and sun glasses and no one ever knew who she was...and I guess being with a kid dressed in a nurse uniform was her celebrity disguise.  She didn't talk a lot and wanted to know about my life.  I told her about my husband and all the softball games he pitched in.  It seemed she liked hearing about anything that wasn't acting.  I wasn't very impressed with the famous folks who came into the office there in Beverly Hills on Wilshire Blvd., including Richard Nixon and Walt Disney (who once also wanted me to keep him company during his breakfast)...I guess because with my dad in the movie industry I was around what one would call "stars" for most of my life. I only thought of people as nice, kind, or mean and nasty.  What a person did for a living never seemed to make a difference much to me. I remember once making friends with the cleaning lady from next door.  The fellow who lived there was the director/producer of the original Godzilla.  Everyone thought he must have been Japanese, but he was Jewish, and I remember he was also a diabetic...his daughter let me play their piano and we would sneak  candy out of his stash for if he went into insulin shock.  I know my indifference to famous or celebrity people was one of the things this Doctor liked about me.

When Martin hired me he didn't know my father was in the movie industry...I think the main requirement was to be somewhat attractive, and very smart (he gave me a math test as part of the interview).  Wow! Now that I think about it...my second job as an RN nurse was perfect for me...awesome, and really fun!

Student Nurse Vampires! I'm a werewolf and It's a good thing.

It is the end of a semester and my nursing students take the pledge!  "If I ever find Professor Hanrion in a nursing home in poopy diapers...." well you can fill in the rest.  This week I watched several of my old students, (those from two semesters ago) graduate and began to think of my new-nurse days.


This photo is one of my students with a seasoned and very good nurse friend of mine.  They had a special bond and worked together for the two months we were on this unit.  He helped her a lot since she was not even five feet tall...she had a hard time reaching things.  And He was over 6'8" and could reach almost anything.


I usually ask my male students during conferences why they chose nursing as a career and get a variety of answers. Most have relatives they admire who are in the medical field.  Others have opted into the career  because they have not been able to gain entrance to medical school or the Fire Department...usually due to quotas!  Sometimes it is difficult for men in what is considered a woman's career and it certainly takes a gutsy and self assured male to venture into this world.  Several of my male students were ex-military (I had to constantly tell those guys "gentle-gentle")  and I had one student who was a paramedic and had tried 6 times to gain entrance to the County fire squad, scoring over 100% on each exam.  (He told me his girlfriend's father continually mocked him as a 'girly-man-nurse' at family gatherings.) Men with much lower scores than he were hired and trained because of their ethnicity.  I'm not sure I want the lower scoring fellows putting out my fires...but that is life, once again, here in beautiful politically correct California.  Fire fighter's loss was Nursing's gain...he was a very bright young man.


Lots of the men I know in the profession work at night...I'm not sure if it is to avoid mocking criticism about being in a woman's field, but imagine a woman who worked hard to be an engineer being teased for her career choice!  Nursing is a very difficult job as you must think, process, evaluate and DO all at once.  Both sides of the brain have to work simultaneously, not like some other well respected careers.  Like a person who is good with their hands who has no critical thinking skills, or a person who is good at solving math, or situational problems actually having to give a presentation and interface with the human race such as rocket scientists...who are known to be reclusive. (I know several rocket scientists and have found their communication skills somewhat lacking) and besides most guys can help me figure out the new computer systems that are now mandated in most hospitals.


Nurses who work at night are often thought of as vampires as they go for weeks without seeing the sun.  In fact that may be why they chose nursing as a career. I don't know but some of the night nurses do look a bit strange when I report to duty in the morning. I can almost picture them sleeping in coffins...but that may be the bad hair day they usually have by the time they have been up all night.  Not too long ago I worked for several years doing 12 hour night shifts, and sometimes 16 hour night shifts.  The bad thing is...my interior clock never quite shifted to the night-time.  At 3 am my body usually said sleep, Sleep, SLEEP!  Another clue that I never flipped to night time waking is the fact that I never peed at night.  Then at 6am when I should have been just waking up, I went to the bathroom volumes...dumping the many sodas and glasses of liquid I had consumed since about 10pm the night before.


Then my husband started bugging me to quit nights.  He said I was grumpy for several days after a long run of night shifts.  And I realized my body was beginning to rebel when I had issues with my bowels, and felt crummy most of the time.


After you graduate nursing school most students get assigned to a night shift.  Not really the best place to hone your skills.  Such was the situation with me.  Many moons ago after I graduated, at the tender age of 18, I worked the night shift in labor and delivery at newly built Kaiser hospital. (which now is closed as a hospital...it's creepy to think you have out-lived a building...)


However, the night shift in this specialty is particularly busy.  Pregnant women will relax, go to sleep and then the baby decides to emerge in the middle of the night...or at least her body says, "get out of here".  (Then 19-20 years later when that same child is staying in the room you always wanted to turn into a den or sewing room...you say "get out of here."  Sometimes it even works!)


I saw lots of action during the night in this specialty area of the hospital and got very good at delivering babies...often by myself because the doctor didn't get there in time.  I was young and pliable and slept the next day until 5 pm and never noticed that when I was giving report to the day shift I needed to go to the bathroom several times or my bladder would explode.  When I was older that same situation sent me into bad-breath, grumpy, diarrhea nasty mom.  So it's a good thing new nurse graduates make good night nurses and can give us older and wiser day-loving (werewolf) Angels of Mercy a Break!


THANK YOU New-Graduate NURSES WHO WORK THE NIGHT SHIFT            
 (My bladder and family thanks you too.)

Road Trip Nightmare...almost!

Roadtrip Nightmare…almost.

The journey began two days before the trip actually began with a fellow who cut off a Cal Arts junk-auto driving purple haired student…the domino reaction then caused the fellow to jump a divider while I was calmly waiting at a red light.  I was eye to eye with Mr. Violet locks as he blammed into my front driver-side fender and door…The door was so smashed in I couldn’t get it open and was scrambling over the center console to try and get the license number of the guy who had caused the accident.

Thankfully the perpetrator stopped right there on Valencia and McBean Parkway and admitted he had swerved into the college student’s lane.  No one was hurt…except for my beloved car which has a penchant for stationary accidents.  Either in a parking lot, parked, or stopped at a red light.  Oh the woes of L.A. Calif. driving, you’re not safe anywhere.

Drivers exchanged information and the next day I took my car into the shop for repair, with insurance approval…thank goodness.  The bad thing was we were leaving the next day to drive 450 miles to Monroe Utah to spend Thanksgiving with two of our daughters and six of the 12 grandkids…with a stop in Fredonia Arizona to see Patrick’s brother along the way.  I was excited as we were planning to take my car with the seats which are much more “back-friendly” than my husband’s truck. “Oh no! “I thought, “Now we have to take the back-breaker”

However Patrick’s smile of glee (he loves to drive his truck) was soon squelched because I was offered a very large Ford Explorer…so wide it barely fit in the garage, as all the smaller cars were already rented for the long weekend.  I did the happy dance packing the monster car with all our gifts, food for the feast, and even my “Glenda the Good witch” costume at the special request of Beth, Megan’s five year old.

We had not been on the road more than two hours when the dash began blinking a tire was low.  We ignored the blinking…mostly due tothe fact we had no idea what the blinking meant…there was so muchhigh tech stuff on the dash we had not yet figured out how to turn on the radio.  I looked for the directions…which were not found until we were stopped between Glendale and Mesquite in Nevada…the middle of nowhere and not far from Zyzyx, for anyone who knows the area. 

As Patrick pulled out the 25mile do-nut tire to allow us to reach civilization, we found the directions to the intricacies of the dash board. (They were hidden under the car-jack and never been opened, I assumed as a joke on us non-initiated car-tech drivers)  We met some very nice people in Logandale who sold us a tire allowing us to drive to St. George Utah and exchange our car for a smaller SUV as no tire to fit the large Ford until after the long weekend.  After the nice people at Enterprise car rental exchanged our flat tire car for another and we put our large load into the second car and we were finally on our way…after basically a three hour detour.  I guess not as long as Gilligan on his sea tour!

On the way to Megs’ house we stopped for one night in Fredonia to visit with Don and Tony and check in on our house.  Patrick wanted to get a few things off the ranch which may be sold to the Paiute Indians.

Jacob and Beth called us no less than six times on Wednesday waiting for us to arrive and were very excited for our visit.  We went to the horse auction to see Brooke herd some of the animals into the barn for the auctioneer.  Then went out to the farm to see Ali’s new truck.  Well, it really is an old one from the rancho and belonged to Uncle Bruce.  It’s about 30 years old and was used to haul water out to the cattle when the well ran dry.  She was excited and hoped to be able to fix it up and drive it to school.  Quite different from the fancy rides the kids in Santa Clarita drive to school.

On our way home I began to write…a little ditty…

Now…I should’a known and simply said, “Let’s stay home in our big cozy bed.”

But No! The calls from kids led to the adventure that’s hard to forget.

It all began most innocently,

Tickets to go east were beyond our budget capacity

I should’a known and simply said,

“We ought ’a stay home, are you out’a your head?”

A trip to the girls only four hundred fifty miles away

“Mom, please come, we can cook and play”

The plans got set for a road trip, and almost packed to go

When sitting at a red light doing nothing wrong

A guy in leather pants singing a purple hair song

Smashed into my fender, and driver door too

The car went to the body shop, “What else could I do?”

My rental was big, “It’s all that we have”

The insurance man’s voice cooed, he applied it like salve.

So I said to my sweetie, “Let’s take this car on the trip,

The seats won’t give me a backache so I feel like a dip

Like the seats in the front of your old truck”

Off we went feeling good til out in the desert we ran out a’ luck.

Hey feller, we ain’t got that tire out here in the sticks

We thought he was gonna cheat us with one of his tricks

But he put on tire and said as we drove out of sight

“Have fun with the family and a great Thanksgiving night.”

In the next town the folks were helpful when they saw we were stuck

(I was beginning to think we should’a brought Patrick’s old crippling truck)

But they fixed us up with a rental and we squeezed in it quite tight

Finally reached our destination, from then on things went fine and right. 

I thought, “It could have been worse like when we had all five kids in the wagon

And got hauled backwards through the Mojave with our spirits a’draggin

We had a great time hiking in Moab checking out arches and edifice.  And at the end of one day our single daughter found an Irishman in the need of a kiss

So after the fun we waved and called them by name
We were full of joy and could have heard us exclaim

On Megan and Darin, Bye Ali and your horse

  Bye, Jessika, Brooke, Jake and Trevor of course.

  Colleen and Little Beth in her dancing shoes

  We were with our loved family…so how could we loose.

Some may ask

Should we have stayed home and alone for the holiday?
No I don’t think so, I would have travelled there in a sleigh
Yes, the trip filled was with flat tires and a bit of strange woe
But, just ask me again, I’ll be packed in a jiffy and ready to go….

How do it know? It must me magic!

Here we are in 2016 and it seems the magic of Harry Potter, Star Wars and the mystery of Vampires and Werewolves are never old.  Maybe that's because everything else in the world is more confusing than the fiction writers can dream up after a bad Chinese dinner.  But the older I get, the more things seem like magic.

Years ago, the biggest question in my first innocent recollection was, "How does a thermos know how to make liquids put inside of it, hot or cold?"  Then at the age of six I was plagued by the query of, "Where do the voices come from that emerge from the radio. Is it a very small family living in there? And folks making music on little tiny instruments who live inside the box?"

Then I wondered if there were other little people inside the traffic lights to shine their red and green flashlights through their windows to help us all be safe...I had a friend tell me they were the cousins of the people who live inside the
TV box in your livingroom who change the scenery and quickly put on different costumes as you turn the knobs. This made perfect sense to my seven year old mind, and  I guess as the years passed the people in the boxes painted themselves colors because they got tired of looking so grim in black and white.  "Where do they go to the bathroom?" I said to myself.  "Oh, How silly those questions are now that I have other concerns."

At least these wonders had to be hooked up to a wall with a wire that went somewhere to make them work. In those days anything that turned on with a switch, knob or button...had wires.  Wires went all over the place running along inside your house then out to poles of power which were alongside the wires that connected to other homes so voices spoken into telephones could travel along to someone elses' wires and into their house.  "That totally makes sense, right?"  You are connected by wires which have information, voices, power to light up bulbs and appliances and also the pictures which run along wires to reveal themselves as you turn on a switch or knob.  "My, how dumb I was to think little people lived in the boxes."

All got confusing again because they cut the wires and you could carry the handset to the phone around unconnected, "wireless" (All those folks who made wire, too bad for them, as they had to find other jobs.) And still somehow you could talk to the person you wanted by dialing their number.  But did the voice travel through the air?...Yes! they say. But I say, It must be wizardry and magic to tell a message in the air how to know which house to land upon and allow it to hook up with the correct person. (Must be like the thermos.)  Then I thought, "Do the air messages bump and collide with other messages and pictures as they travel in the air.  So many are up there travelling around how can they get to the right place?"  After a while you didn't even have to be near the receiver and you could put the phone into your pocket and go mow the lawn. Just think, "That message knew you were outside cutting grass...Wow!")


Along came pagers who were for doctors and drug dealers and people who had the money to pay for a device that buzzed and informed of a phone number or a person who needed their attention. These were important people who had special messages come through the air by trickery to land in the small box they carried...and I was sure there was a little man with palsy who ran around inside to make it wiggle and let the person with the "box on their belt" know they were needed. ("I can blame those silly thoughts on the fact that during this time I had five children in our home and claim half my brain had gone amiss.")

When computers became the "thing", the world wide web was soon to follow...web what?  Like Charlotte's web and spiders?  "Well sort of," my Microsoft Padowan son Patrick would explain, and then launch into a detailed explanation of how the different parts of the computer needed to talk to each other. (I never let him know I was thinking in my middle-aged innocence, "So are we back to having little folk inside a box talking to each other?")

Cell phones and texting are the worst advances to arrive in this century, and in my estimation are "The Devil", invented to make we, more seasoned citizens, feel like dolts. But the worst is using these instruments to talk and text messages while driving, causing many a problem, and traffic tickets. I have also seen young people sitting next to one another who feel they must text each other rather than speak, and I believe soon, like our appendix, our vocal chords will be obsolete!... I have gotten on buses in Seattle that are more quiet than our Church during the passing of the Sacrament as the riders busily tap away on their phones and I-pads. (Please see previous blog, "I'm not in OZ", about our trip to Washington)

Downloading bits and bites through the magic that happens in the air; games, maps, school work, movies and inconsequential information can clog the phone and the mind...too much information can overload and confuse or kill, quicker than any accident.

Streaming TV shows and movies is a mystery that goes far beyond the realm of my grey cells to comprehend. I have
given up trying to understand because instead of the old days of going to a theater and having the guy up above you in the projector room turn the switch so the film rolls. A person can now (through the air, mind you) tell the TV box in your house to let some other person or machine very far away start up the reel of film you want to see, and have it pop up for you to view...or if you want...on your phone, if you are bored, and have the time to watch, most likely while waiting in line to pay for your groceries.  (When else would you have the time to watch a movie on your phone) and how 'bout the fact that without a wire you can play a game with some stranger in another land far far away  who speaks a dialect of Swahili. Hmm, I guess that's best because if the person in Africa or Taiwan does the happy dance because he is the winner and claims victory in front of his friends, no one in your vicinity need know you lost the war, or the journey, or the quest or whatever.

How do it know?...I am beginning not care one little bit...or is it simply Alzheimer's kicking in?


 

OLD PHOTOS AND BLACKMAIL!, Chicken for Halloween!

Pat the Dad

My oldest son is complaining about the old family reunion photo on this blog...he was a bit "fluffy" at the time. (I think he was still handsome...but I'm his mom)  He has worked hard to lose the weight for his health and now looks like he did when he was in high school...a really handsome guy with dimples. But he hasn't sent me any new pictures yet.  When he knows you are taking a photo he makes a face like a sour-puss, (so why did we pay for braces all those years ago)...I'll put up some better ones when he sends them, so far he has sent one where he looks like a terrorist, or a bad guy from some James Bond movie, completely covered in black from head to toe!

Chicken Me!

Now... I have some bad photos taken which seems to be the delight of my family as they post the odd and non-flattering images as often as possible.  With my husband, and his sense of bizarre humor and penchant for teasing it is amazing more of the awful photos haven't been posted for the world to see.  Okay, so here is another awful one of me and I am beating him to it.

You see he is always wanting to be a chicken for Halloween. This year when I was looking for a few props for my "Glenda the Good Witch" from Wizard of Oz, (I am usually a Witch or Gypsy but decided I didn't want to scare the little kids at the door.) I found a chicken beak for him to wear and when trying to convince he to wear it...he took a picture with his phone...(those things are evil)

Several years ago I made him a giant chicken suit....I can make really odd costumes and wonder why I was not a costume mistress (can you use that word anymore?) for film or theater as I am pretty creative.

The year I made that big chicken costume, I went as Mother Goose.  He wore that suit with giant beak and huge chicken comb for several years until one year I made us matching Mickey-Minnie Mouse outfits.  I only wore that costume for one year because I caused a medical emergency.

I was teaching at the convent at that time and thought it would be fun to wear my "Minnie" suit during lunchtime when the patients (retired nuns and priests) from the long term care area of the "Sisters of Nazareth" convent...were having lunch.

I was fully decked out with huge ears and a polka dot dress as I wandered into the dining room passing out candy to the residents.  All was going well until one of the residents needed me to do the Heimlich maneuver as she sucked in a hunk of hot dog into her trachea and couldn't breathe!  I had scared her so much she panicked.  I totally forgot that some of the patients had dementia or Alzheimer's, and this one old lady thought I was really a huge mouse!  I had truly scared her as I came up behind her using my best Minnie voice.  I never wore that outfit again!

Last Year 2010 Halloween

Becca and Family

I love Rebecca,  her husband and kids getting into the spirit of dressing up (maybe it's genetic) Becca  is never shy about taking a photo...flattering or not...(She's a really good sport as her husband is the oldest of five boys and one sister...so like my husband he is a tease)...now with four boys...she is more than ready for anything.

Pat as James Bond with Broc, Meg and kids with Hershey the dog...on a Snow Board trip...so how is this better than the family reunion one at the top of the Blog?

Patrick NOW!

if Patrick will ever send a nice photo I will most likely faint...But...here is one of him I sneaked when he was eating.

Eighth Wonder, One Hour in Church

                        Eighth Wonder of the World...

Each day I see zombie people wandering aisles with their carts
Butts tucked into stretch pants along with other parts

The girl with a petition for the ballot, banning bacon accosted me first
However, it a large man in a wheelchair who protested her impudence

"How dare you deny me bacon for without it, I can not eat
Are you insinuating that's why I can't get up upon my feet!"

They have movies in a bin, some one dollar other's five
but why get a fiction film when this place has the action of a hive

For here you can get most anything your little heart desires
Like food, or drugs or guns to shoot and stuff to make a fire

Now some say Disneyland is the best place to people watch
But if you hit this wonder, your viewing pleasure goes up a notch

For you can get a parenting lesson on the aisle with all the toys
Which is near "Appreciation of Music," It's the place will all the noise 

Adventure and Romance is at the lingerie rack where a lone burly man
Tries to buy his wife a gift wishing she'd asked for a new frying pan

So if your cash is low for frills and can't pay the power bill
Just hit the local Walmart to get your entertainment fill

One Hour in Church

Can I dance the wool from my brain as this hour begins? 
Concentration is nonexistant so watch the big-cheek baby grin
I wonder, Do I have more sunsets behind me than in front?
Can I make this time count, so my rent on earth is paid.
Will I find the flakes of gold, from the small make something great
Why does the man who spoke for just a minute make more sense
Than the one with words abundant, voice thumping like a fan

I Skate for the T-birds? Never trust a Frenchman!

For some strange reason my husband has been blessed with an innocent face and most things he says folks believe.  I have heard people say he looks like a cop...and since his name is Patrick...he looks like, an Irish cop...an honest fellow.  Not So!   He is a Frenchman...and is as slippery as they come!

He is the master of words and can croon unbelievable stories that sound true...especially regarding me his sweet and innocent wife.  I have heard it said how rude the French speak, but I think mostly they are masters of disguise, and I know for a fact the phrase, "Never trust a French Man." rings true.

Please remember I came from a quite formal New York City family where dinner was only served on a white linen tablecloth, and one never told stories unless they were the honest truth...and his family of five boys were from a ranch in the middle of no- where and quite close to cave men in their behavior.  They also delighted in deception.

Soon after we married my husband would introduce me as his "little roller skating wife."  When people would ask, he then explained we had met when he attended a roller derby match at the Los Angeles arena and I was a jammer for the Lady Thunder-Birds rollerskating squad.  He did this with such a quiet and sincere voice and face everyone believed him.  At first I was stunned and would loudly protest, but he would shush me and say, "Now Dear, don't be ashamed of your past...and you were so cute in your tight uniform and were a very skilled roller derby girl! I fell madly in love." And much to my chagrin, over my complaints...most all believed him and were in awe of my talent and also a bit afraid that if confronted I would punch them out, since Patrick would then explain, "She has a bit of a temper, so watch what you say and don't set her off."

Soon I gave up trying to protest as I knew my words would fall on deaf ears once he had persuaded all within earshot, I was only shy and did not want anyone to know of my fame and talent.  So after a while I didn't try to convince others his words were a lie, hoping this would quell his enthusiasm for embarrassing me. Oh! not so.  It didn't work.  So, I then began to agree with him and added tales of my prowess and stories of my victories.  This did not stop him either, so I gave up and when he started with his deception of my past when introduced to new acquaintances, I would walk away in disgust and leave him to weave the tale of our meeting, much to the amazement of those listening.

I found this talent extended to the office where he told the office help his wife was a "little person" or quadriplegic, or double or quadruple amputee.  Most would feel sorry for him and amaze at his kindness and concern.  That he, such a big and virile man would have the consideration and compassion to care for such an invalid never questioning what he said.  All the while he was chuckling at their gullibility.

However, as the years past, some became aware of his deception and wild imaginative stories and knew he was a tease and that he would patiently wait to spring the joke that trapped his audience.  But they were never quite sure about his tales and always held in reserve the tiny possibility that he told the truth.  My daughter Rebecca and her family a few years ago dressed as nerds for Halloween and the photos were quite funny.   About a month later he showed the photo to a secretary in the office who had a particularly tender heart.  He told the story of how proud he was of his middle daughter who was handicapped..."Eugenia" and the husband she met at the institution, and the sweet, yet mentally handicapped children they bore.

 The secretary, slowly and (knowing Patrick was a tease,) quietly with trepidation responded with sympathy and concern.  It was several days later he showed her a real photo of Rebecca and her handsome...very smart boys.  This secretary didn't speak to him for several days saying she had wasted her emotions and worry about him and his daughter Eugenia.  From then on she called him "The Devil", and "Doctor Evil."  He wore the monikers with pride!  Imagine!

While he was in Chandler he told the engineers and other Superintendents his wife was a "little person".  This happened when someone in the office was speaking negatively about some TV show regarding midgets.  He told the person he was offended by the word midget especially since his wife was a "little person."  Of course he said this all with a straight face, and then immediately walked back to his cubicle as if upset by the conversation.  I guess there was a buzz in the office for a while..."Is it true Pat's wife it a...ummm "little person?"  No one knew, and so they called to the office in Anaheim Calif...those guys had never met me and didn't know, or couldn't tell them for sure. And the men were not quite sure if he was telling them the truth or not, and when asked repeatedly, Patrick of course, would only bow his head and turn away with a few tears in his eyes.

I visited Chandler for the first time during Spring break from teaching at COC.  The first morning there I drove him to the work site at Intel and dropped him off so I could have use of the car.  I guess all the guys at the office were still wondering about the little lady who was Pat's wife...quite a match since he is over 6"2 " tall.  When I arrived to pick him up that afternoon I noticed the parking lot was loaded with quite a few men milling around and talking in groups.  Patrick stood by himself near the stop sign so I slowed to allow him to climb into the passenger seat.  I noticed several of the men had disgusted looks on their faces as they turned and walked away and when I questioned the behavior the reply came..."Oh, their disappointed your not a little person, that's all."

"Up to your old tricks again.  If you had told me I could have scrunched down in the seat and looked through the steering wheel to go along with the joke," I responded, as I had learned...It's better to go along with the gag than to fight city hall.  If not, he just would have invented some other story for his amusement!  It's amazing to me after all these years he can still pull suckers in (I guess there really is one born every minute) and hook someone to reel them in like an unsuspecting catch while he laughs like mad on the inside.  Often times the "catch" never learns the truth... "Leave 'em guessing and that's the best reward," or so he says!

Somehow, after all the stories he tells, I am starting to be convinced I was quite the skater,
yes I was....
I know I was...
wasn't I?