Going through my folders to throw stuff away I found some scraps of paper where I've recorded some gems. So rather than lose them forever I am putting them in the computer for someone to find?

Dance

Do you remember your dance. You promised to do it well                                                     

 Did you forget the steps to do, not listen to the words                                                          

You promised to keep on moving, and harken to my voice                                                    

With bare feet spinning in time to the song, forward you would go                                       

 How You would return with grand stories and many  tales to tell                                           

So don't forget your dance You promised to do it well

Voices

Can we know the future,                                                                                                          

Can we look ahead and see.                                                                                                 

 And if a vision comes to you,                                                                                                  

Can you know it's revelation                                                                                                   

 Or you've had a bad fish from the sea                                                                                      

Should you ignore a push on your soul                                                                                   

 Turn your back on the dream you thought?                                                                            

Or should you heed the warning it has brought                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

 Turn that Off!

Just like the new technology of phones and computer stuff                                                   

Can you turn it on and off when you have had enough                                                          

 Or does a dark song plague you like the flu from a foreign land                                             

Does it keep on knocking, beating like a band                                                                        

Have you tasted of how it feels, often, or once in a while                                                       

Make sure you don't turn away, for other voices beguile

You can find your way through despair and the tragedy of life                                             

 Listen to the small voice, it will guide through pain and strife                                              

How do you know which words to follow so you don't forget your dance?

Secret

The secret is simple, you learned long ago                                                                              

If a song leads to darkness or your vision turns dim                                                                

You will know the message is not from Him                                                                       

 If the words make you smile and your toe to tap and nothing stops your song                   

You have found the place where you'll have joy and know that you belong.

 

I Want to go Home, Brain Fugue... 

    When Michael came out of his coma the first thing he said was, “Mom, I want to go home.” He said this repeatedly during his stay at the hospital.  This statement pulls me back. Woosh, to the first time I saw the Wizard of Oz. I loved it when it turned from black & white to color film. One of the witches was gone in flames and monkeys few in the forest.  In the movie Dorothy has one theme. “I want to go home.” Her new friends, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Lion, who needed courage, helped her on her quest to “Go home.” 

    After Mike was moved to the rehabilitation unit of the hospital he started having Sundowner Syndrome. This is the problem many long-term patients have where as soon as the sun goes down they exhibit unreasonable behavior. Mike’s greatest desire was just like Dorothy’s, to go home.  

    Mike became unreasonable in his demands to go home and would get out of bed without assistance. Not a good idea and danger of a fall when his balance is off.  The hospital got a “sitter” to help keep him in bed. Now this lady must have weighed next to nothing and was as useful as lips on a duck. She could not stop a flea from getting out of bed much less a 6’3 210# strong young man.  We asked for another bed to be put into the room We would stay the night to coax him back into bed. The bed was moved to block the door so he would need to climb over it to escape.

     At regular intervals during the night, Mike would sit up abruptly and start getting out of bed. Then he would slowly stand up on wobbly legs. With his IV was dangling and his brain-drain bulb would swing down next to his cheek as he swayed clutching the blankets. After he got his balance, he would shuffle to the door. Patrick would be waiting for him and would wrap his arms around him. He would start swaying and rocking, blocking the way to the door and say over and over, “I love you, your mom loves you, your family loves you, and we want you to get well so you have to stay until the doctor’s say you can leave.” Mike would beg to leave but soon his strength gave out and his legs would start to fold. Patrick would sit him down, and then lay him back in bed…until the next time when he would sit up abruptly…then the scenario would be re-played.

     I had stuffed this memory deep into my brain until one day about a year later when I was back teaching.  I had students at United Cerebral Palsy Institute. It was lunch time, and my students were in the dining hall assisting the patients to eat  All of a sudden one of the young boys who was very crippled, started to yell. I want to go home, mommy please take me home. 

    Until that time I had been pretty strong and somewhat brave during Mike's recovery, following and explaining the physiological implications to family and friends in a stoic fashion. But hearing those words found the crack in my armor and my heart broke...I was back experiencing the painful plea, "Please take me home."

    I began to cry and sob with the memory of those difficult days. I quickly left the room and after about twenty minutes of hiding in the bushes next to the building, I called my students together and dismissed them three hours early. My eyes were red and watery and not one asked why they had the afternoon off, and I never told them, or anyone else what happened that afternoon.

The picture above is 10 years later when Mike received his Master's Degree in Education.

 

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 [

    Nightmare, Bad dream or am I awake?

He leans close as if a secret to tell, 

I feel his breath upon my cheek

And know he is near, yet can barely see

I wonder, "Why is he awake in the dark of night?"

In shadow, the soft curve upon his lips portends a smile

"Are you alright" I reach to touch his cheek

Fear enfolds me as he dissolves to shapeless mist, 

Looking to the pillows where he sleeps 

Reason grabs my heart while searching for my dear

Neither here nor there yet both places be

He looks to shimmer then disappears

"What magic this, or message be it sent to me?"

His soul set free my heart begs, no

there is much to do before we dream

"Not yet, oh please leave him be"

The choice is made, I touch his face

And then with wonder he returns to me. 

Written one month later January 28, 2020

                   

                                                                I believe in miracles. 

November 2020 a large inoperable aneurism is found in his heart. The family rallies and in a week, we are in St. Louis under the watchful eye of a Cardiac Surgeon M.D. son-in-law, a skillful repair takes place. My dearest is with me today and we know we are blessed.