An old-fashioned Girl
I never thought my mother
would get old I never thought I would write a story such as this Bittersweet,
and strange for me to see I’m sad as I watch Helen fade away and realize as she
struggles with life and death. One day if I allow it; she will be me, or I will be her.
1. Young
Helen
2. California Helen
3. Poor Helen
4. Helen Fades Away
5. Helen Oh No!
6.
Oh Helen!
Copyright ISBN
1. Young Helen My mother, Helen Elizabeth Mills was
born September 1916. She was the daughter of a domineering German father and a
sweet demure...1/4 American Indian mother, (or so it is told; we are not quite
sure.) Helen told me "My father loved my sister Ruth the best. She was a tomboy,
and I was too fragile.”
During her school days Helen’s best friend was named
Helen too. They were born on the same day, at the same hospital, delivered by
the same doctor (Richardson) less than an hour apart. Helen 2 was outgoing and
able to coax shy Helen to participate in school activities and reach out to make
friends. Percy Mills, Helen’s father, came from a large German, family. They
were a happy group at picnics and lake swimming parties.
Helen’s grandfather Jacob had a farm and grew vegetables, especially carrots and asparagus. All of
Percy’s brothers worked on the farm as boys. Percy’s older brother Philip died
during a flu epidemic at the age of eight. Percy’s brother, Leslie, later became
a paperhanger, and Percy’s brother Arthur was repairing a roof and fell to his
death. John Jacob and Arthur married Sisters. There were pranks and music and
fun at family parties.
Percy was the town inspector of construction and a
plumber of renown (in his own stories or mind). Clever Clarence diversified with a gas
station- convenience store and was the town poet. Helen quietly observed
everyone and timidly reached out to make friends with a few in the raucous
group.
Minnie, Ethel’s mother, had been married to John Smith, but John died after they were married less than a year when
he was thrown from a horse. Thomas Rattle, Minnie’s second husband, (left one
day and never returned.) We discovered searching through census records that he
had lived in California for many years and died there in a rooming house. No one
had ever bothered to him.
Minnie’s third husband, Horatio Reed, hired Minnie as
a housekeeper and nanny to his five children. He was a Widower. On a following
census I discovered Minnie was listed as his wife and an 1888 marriage
certificate confirmed they had been married. Minnie and Horace had three
children. Arthur, Ethel, and Ernestine who according to Helen did not live with
them and visited infrequently. I don’t know if my mother knew she had an aunt or
if my grandmother Ethel knew that she had a sister. I was surprised to find a
birth certificate stating that the parents of Ernestine were Minnie and Horace.
Horace and Minnie separated before Minnie died. She was buried by a Horace who
was the son of her husband Horace’s first wife.
When my father, Herman Herles
saw Helen skating on the old mill pond he fell in love at first sight. Helen was
only 14, but he was smitten and determined to wait for her to grow up and marry
her. At the time Herman was 23. He didn’t mention his age to anyone, especially
my grandfather until He and Helen were engaged. I guess Herm figured by then it
would be too late for Percy to protest.
Herman was the first boy in the Anna
Rose and Herman Herles family. He was raised with a strong hand. He was an altar
boy at the local Catholic church. (I have wondered if this experience as a young boy affected some of his later behavior.) He was expected to become the priest of the family
but instead became the “Man” of the house, when his father moved out of the
family home. Young Herman remained dedicated to the Catholic religion, attending
church each Sunday, until the day he died.
The arranged marriage of Herman’s
parents was not a happy one and Herman Sr. left the home soon after the youngest
child Rose was born. I was told, “Grandma kicked Grandpa out of bed and then out
of the house because she said seven children are more than enough.” Although
Herman’s parents never divorced due to strong Catholic beliefs, the abandonment
of the family by Herman Sr. led to young Herman’s bitter feelings. Herman Sr.
had a lifelong devotion to the Boy Scouts and participated in outdoor and scout
activities with children other than his own. This led to such hostility on
Herman’s part that he refused to let his own son, Timothy (my brother) become a
member of the Boy Scouts. Herman Jr. found the Woodcraft Rangers at the YMCA and
directed my brother Tim to those activities. It took me a long time to
understand why my dad hated the Boy Scouts.
I only remember meeting this
grandfather once. Herman Jr. (nick-named “Sunny Jim) graduated college with an
accounting degree and helped his family financially until he married Helen.
Herms’ first job was with Western Electric. The company sent him for several
years to night school for an additional degree where he earned a business
accounting degree. He worked and went to school in New York City, living with
his grandmother in her Brooklyn home. He helped in the family store and went to
his mother’s home in New Jersey on the weekends to deliver goods from the family
mercantile. He drove a horse drawn wagon and deliveries took all weekend. And of
course, he courted Helen on Sunday after church. After Helens’ High School
Graduation and Senior Class Trip she worked as a secretary for a Lawyer until
she and Herman married. She used her shorthand to make notes and when I asked
her, “What are those squiggly lines?” She said it was ‘secret writing’ and it
was how she kept track of things she bought what she did and where she wanted to
go.
Before they married Herman purchased a house in Closter New Jersey near
Helen’s parent’s home. The wedding took place in Helen’s parents’ home May 1932. None of the Herles family attended because Helen was not Catholic. The brand-new family grew with a dog, King, and the birth
of one boy, Timothy and one girl, Patty Ann. Helen’s life was ideal. Then the unexpected tragedy occurred that interrupted Helen’s perfect
life. Helen was moved away from her safe New Jersey home to California 3,000
miles away. Away from her home, away from family and friends, away from all she
knew at the age of 26.
It was like moving to a foreign land but as a dutiful
wife she packed up her life and relocated. Herman bought a furnished house in
California so after the move, not even the furniture was familiar, and certainly
not the weather. I don’t think my mother Helen ever recovered from this loss.
They were uprooted because Herman had been offered a job as the controller in
the sound production movie industry at Sound Services, Westrex. The same company
that was part of the Westrex phone company in New York, and the one who had paid
for a good portion of his college education. I doubt he realized what effect
this move would have on his shy wife. The offer to take over money management at
the sound studios was during the time when silent movies were on the way out and
“talkies” were starting to take over. Studios were being built in California
where land was cheap, and the weather was nice all year long. I was told they
moved because there was a contract associated with the company who had supported
his higher education and the offered salary and perks for moving was
exceptionally good.
One thing pleased Helen for sure, it took them away from
Mother Anna Rose Herles and her vocal contempt for her oldest son’s young wife
because she was a non-Catholic girl. Helen told me that a year after they
married and before Timothy was born, they were married again in a Catholic
church to please Herm’s mother. Anna Rose did not attend the wedding in Helen’s
parents’ home. “Good grief, they were Lutherans!” This is the reason my brother,
and I were raised away from family associations. No grandparents, aunts, uncles,
or cousins nearby. And no religion either. Herman continued going to the
Catholic Church, and since Helen stayed home, so did Tim and I. There was a
Lutheran Church across the street when we lived in Sun Valley and Helen, Tim and
I attended services there, but after we moved to Van Nuys there was no church
nearby.
Herman used his two-week vacation in the summer to make the drive across
the country. This was for Helen’s sake, but after a while the trips were token
attempts for Helen to stay connected to her relatives. We had snapshot glances
at our grandparents. I loved spending time with Grandpa Percy because he was
funny and told outrageous stories and my Grandmother Ethel took me on walks to
teach me about the plants you could use as medicine. She told me she learned
this talent from her mother Minnie who learned from her mother Leota who was a
medicine woman for their tribe. Helen gave me a few things that had been her
mother’s treasures. One was a doll made of leather and another was a ceremonial
carved powder horn, which was stolen when she made the move from Van Nuys to
Santa Clarita. The only thing I remember about Grandmother Anna Rose is from my
perspective as a child. This grandmother came out to California every few years.
During these visits I observed three things. She never smiled, her shoes were
ugly, and she always wore black. I knew she didn’t like me much until one day I
blurted out, “I want to be a Nun.” After that she hugged me, kissed my cheek,
and told me, “God loves the women who devote their lives to him.” One time she
gave me a storybook doll dressed in a Nun habit. I still have that doll in a box
under the bed. She died before I was old enough to join a convent. Thank
Goodness!
The first time Herman’s mother Anna Rose came to visiting us in
California I was about seven years old. Whenever people would visit with us, we
took one-day trips to the same places; Sequoia National Park, Knotts Berry farm,
Tijuana, Sunset Blvd, and the beach. One time I got car sick on a road trip to
Sequoia National Park. I had been asleep on the floor of the car and when I sat
up, I threw up on Grandma Anna. We stopped along the way to buy us both clothes
so that we didn’t smell bad. It was right after the Bakersfield earthquake in
1952 and we drove around for what seemed like hours before we could find a store
that was open. It’s the only time I saw this grandmother dressed in a color
other than Black. After we got back in the car, I looked over at her new dress
that was made of a soft green material covered with bouquets of roses. It made
her cheeks look pink and her face less stern. I recall considering throwing-up
on all of her black dresses. As I got older my dad told me, “Please never wear a
black dress.” And I never did while he was alive.
Helen rarely left our home in
Sun Valley California. Although she had a driver’s license in New Jersey, after
they settled in California, she never drove a car again. This led to her
becoming isolated and more introverted. Groceries were purchased by Herman from
a list that Helen made. She had become the perfect isolated old-fashioned wife
who devoted herself to husband and children. Herman was a jovial man, very
outgoing and made friends easily. Herman’s friends in this new neighborhood of
Sun Valley became Helen’s. All the people on the block were living in
post-world-war housing, which featured plastic doorknobs and cramped space.
Herman was not drafted to serve in WWII, or the Korean war because his work with
communication was considered essential to the war effort. Herman was also moved
to the top of the list to get a car because there was no public transportation
built in California like there was in New York. He needed to drive through the
Sepulveda pass to the Hollywood Westrex Sound complex which later became Sound
Services, and then Todd AO Sound which is still there in the same building. Elizabeth Taylors' husband Michael Todd had purchased the company.
Timothy and Patty Ann’s childhood was filled with new friends and visits from
the New York family. Suddenly it seemed like many people from across the country
wanted to visit and see what the West had to offer. Herman was the master of the
six-hour drive and the “Chevy Chase” 2-3 bounce-look at a National Park
landscape or whatever we were visiting. Then everyone was rushed back into the
car. As I look back at this strange childhood, I realize now I never got to
explore these magical places. I always wore a frilly dress, patent leather shoes
and ruffled socks. Not the clothing to play or investigate my surroundings. On
our cross-country trips to New York took 3-1/2 days. Tim, and I were tucked into
the back seat of the car with a roll of lifesavers and a comic book. This was to
keep us quiet all day. I don’t think cars in those days had radios and no MP3
players either. However, we became experts of the line-down-the middle of the
car seat.
Because we had so many visitors, I remember Helen lamented there were
only three bedrooms in our small house. Then one day she was cleaning the living
room, turned over the seat cushions and discovered the couch had a hide-away bed
inside. She recited that story frequently and how it solved the problem of
visitors crowding into our little house. I loved it when she told the story
because it made her laugh. Then we moved to a much larger home in Van Nuys.
