"The Jingle Bell Bum" (Read The Touching True Story...please!) Comment at patriciahanrion.com

"The Jingle Bell Bum" (Read The Touching True Story...please!) Comment at patriciahanrion.com
Still available on Amazon for Nook and Kindle, hard copy booklett to re-print November 2013

Saturday, January 28, 2012

How to make Plastic bag-Bags!!?

Plastic-bag-Bag”…or “Give it to Da Man…bag” http://writergrams.blogspot.com  do not pay for grocery bags!
Since they are now charging at a lot of places for plastic bags because of all the tree hugger green people, (didn’t they used to try and cajole you to use plastic instead of paper?)  I think its fun to go into the store and collect my groceries in bags made out of “their” bags….who needs their stinking bags anyway?  And if milk spills in one you made from their  bags you can put it in the top part of your dish washer for cleaning (the ones you crochet are quite sturdy), re shape it and use again…tada!

You can use any size hook from a g to a J...the bigger the hook the faster it will go, but the more bags you'll use...then you must save about 80-100 plastic give away bags…you can cut them into 1 ½ strips…you don’t need to be neat…start from the bottom of the bag going around.  Roll them up like yarn….you don’t have to do all at once, if you get tired of cutting, go ahead and crochet for a while.  (You can get lots of places to give you extra bags, or have put each item in a separate bag before they charge for bags or the new tax hits.  It is easier to cut if they haven’t been used or all crinkled up!)

Get different colors and designs on bags for different effects…some bags are heavier and the strips can be narrower…changing colors can give a stripe pattern…where the bags are tied together you can weave the ends in…put them hanging on the inside…or the outside…(I like that as it looks fluffy)

Foundation row:  chain to the about 2 inches width of bag you want…anywhere from 12 -25 inches, your bag will be larger than your foundation row.
Bottom:  single crochet in second chain from hook.  Work to end of row.  On end crochet three stitches then single crochet down the other side of chain. (You are going around in a circle…or oblong to be exact) then when you get to the end of the second side of your chain…three single crochet in end and then down the other side with single crochet again, increasing on the end with each row.
Body: Continue crochet around until the bottom is as wide as you want.  Usually 3-5 inches wide, (if you want a very wide bag you may end up doing increases at corner stitches so your bottom doesn’t roll up) now once the bottom is done you will continue going around except you will NOT add stitches when you get to the end.  The work will begin to grow into a bag shape…you may even have to decrease a stitch or two to get it to travel up into the tube (bag shape you want. When you get the body of the bag, make it as deep as you want then bind it off…
Patterns: Different colors make stripes or other patterns with the bag colors or print on bags you have.
Handles:  join yarn at the open end of the bag where you want handle to begin.  Chain to make it the length you desire.  Then single crochet back and forth to the width you want. (I usually do three to four rows)  Each time you are back at the purse top make sure you attach the handle to the body of the bag.  When done then slip stitch other end to the corresponding place on the same side of the bag.  Repeat.
Strength addition:  to make sure the handles are strong, do another row of single crochet around both handles joining at the body of the bag as you go around.  Using a contrasting color bag ads style, whatever that is?

Decoration can be shreds of different colors around or one side, or add, pockets on the inside or out, I like making flowers and sewing with the bag-yarn to the front…are also a nice touch I think.

This will be on my blog with pictures… http://writergrams.blogspot.com   Have fun and when people ask about your bags… you can smile and think inside your head…”I gave it to da man.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I'm not Lazy!

I'm not lazy!  I've been so busy writing...amazing how much time things take.   I'm writing a Radio-Theater piece..."Murder at the Convent", hopefully to be heard on KBET...and to be followed by others.

Also doing an adaptation of "The Ten Virgins" which was way too slow for my liking, without a wit of humor..and half way through watching the tape I was hoping the last five virgins would get married so they didn't have to sing their song of woe!  Sean McLaughlin who is an amazing composer is helping with the music to spice it up....It took four days and over 50 hours to come up with a workable script for a 45 min production...with music. (lyrics by me).  Now I only have to direct the production...a piece of pie, or is that cake?

Then...WONDER OF WONDERS... got a contract in the mail to publish the "Jingle Bell Bum"...any one who got a chance to read it got a freebie....it is now back under wraps awaiting Cove Fort Inc.  tender touch to make it perfect and get it to a book store for at least $5 near you!

Promise to write something of more interest next week...I promise..

Oh by the way, he got up the last door and is now taking off the cottage cheese from the ceiling and putting on a knock down finish.....this may take until 2020   so don't plan to move just yet...so far it's a huge mess, but in the old girl's room upstairs...I can hardly wait (just kidding) for the living room to be blessed by the hand of the hubby....film at eleven...of a murder...or NOT!

Monday, January 9, 2012

What I got for Christmas, reminds me I was like Loretta Young, feel like Napoleon Dynamites' Brother, and had breakfast with Katherine Hepburn.

It has been a fun and interesting holiday, I got for Christmas a neat-o device...a Kindle...yes I admit it...I folded...got another piece of technology...I feel like Napoleon Dynamites' brother.."I love technology", no pages to turn, no nice smell of the book binding.

But then again, it will fit nicely in my clipboard at the hospital and I won't have to rip my trashy novels into pieces to fit in the little space under the clipboard writing area. Oh, yes...I would sneak the pages out during my lunch to read...often hidden in a nursing magazine so I would look studious.

This nice tiny device downloads books pretty quickly, but I was having a bit of a problem getting the thing to work...I hope I have it fixed now that I have taken a total of eight hours fiddling with it...as it is one of those things..."HOW do it know?" If it won't work...since I have no idea how it works in the first place...I would never be able to get it fixed myself...

And have you ever talked to one of those tech-help guys...sitting in India, or some such place...named Peggy of course, they all try to sound like Americans. HA! as if I couldn't tell in two seconds they were on another continent!  Anyway, those guys are a pain and so far I have never had one of them ever help...for example...the story about one day when Mike and I tried to build Patrick a computer and the processor blew up! What a mess!

Against our better judgement we called the help number...The guy on the other end kept saying "What does the bios-say?" "Hey, buddy, the screen is black..blank." I yelled into the receiver, only to get the question again.  "So tell me now, What does the Bios say?"  "Dude", I said loudly, "Can't you get it...no screen on...no bios to SEE or read..."Now mam, (the condescending voice said) simply...take a little peek, What does the Bios say???  I hung up and returned the smoking thing to Fry's electronics...AND, I have to tell you honestly that before I left the return counter I saw them shrink wrap it-up and put a price tag on it..."HEY! that processor does not work...It blew up!" I said,...The guy just looked at me and smiled..."Now are you sure honey?"  I stomped off and I know some tech-slob bought that processor and is cursing out someone thousands of miles away who is asking..."hmmm, now...tell  me...What does the bios say fella?"

Yes I admit I read silly novels at work because after a while how many times can you read about child birth, care plans, wound care, and insulin administration so I do read the occasional book of nonsense, for after 50 years as an RN I feel entitled.

Hey wait a half a mo...No! I can't be that old..no way, impossible!  I was a child nurse I know.  Wore pigtails delivering  my first babies, and when I worked as a research assistant with a doctor who took care of mostly movie stars and politicians, broke the rule frequently "not to go out with patients". Heck, I was a child, and tinsel town was exciting.  I went to more star-studded parties than an astronomer, AND frequently dated people you would know if I mentioned them, but I won't, today.  I broke the rule because I was a kid who thought the rule did not apply to me, and I know my mentor and doctor, Martin Covel  MD. of Beverly Hills and USC. (thought I was more like Loretta Young than anyone he knew because I could not open a door without throwing it aside to make a grand entrance     
...anyway, he surly knew ( don't call me Shirley, sorry I can't help it.) I broke the rules all the time and kept his mouth shut because he knew most of the patients treated me like a mascot of sorts, and would be upset if he fired me.
In fact when I first suggested I leave his employ after I married my Frenchman, he lured me to stay with the same pay, yet dropped me from 8 hours to 5 hours, (quite the deal in those days.)  I did that for another three years, giving B12 shots to hung over actors by driving to the studio, and going to the sets where they were working.  I guess it was a glamorous job now that I think about it, and a good thing there was some bit of cerebral activity to keep my brain busy gathering and assisting to gather data or I would have been very bored.  Weird that it was many years later that I took statistics to get my BSN...since I had been fully immersed in compiling and calculating data for this job not even realizing I was doing a statistical analysis.

For this very gruff doctor (yet a cream puff on the inside) at lunch time we provided him with a fat free diet as he was very rotund.  His wife insisted (he married his first secretary) and I heard, not too long after I left his employ he died of a heart-attack.  He loved rich food, but worst of all he smoked.  He CLAIMED he didn't.  But my Loretta Young behavior of slamming open the sliding doors without a knock...caught him often with a cigarette, which he quickly threw into his trash can...or the drawer with his patient charts where he hid his ashtray. (many of the charts had burn holes in them).  He couldn't fool me...first, because of my great nose...and then because smoke would frequently be wafting from the bottom drawer of his desk as his charts went up in smoke...I would leave and quickly return with a large glass of water...and a towel...then exit his office.  I guess we both had secrets...and told no one.

During those years, the late '60s, I was especially friends with Vicki Carr, and we went to lunch together often.  I think she thought that me in a nurse uniform kept her anonymous as she was a very popular singer at the time.  And whenever Katherine Hepburn who would ride her bike into the office and sleep on the couch in the waiting room while waiting for the doctor to arrive for her physical often we'd walk down to the corner and have breakfast after I drew her blood for tests.  At first I made her toast with jam and coffee, but she said "Dear, I need a more substantial breakfast and would like some company." and I know she did need a bigger breakfast (or so I thought)...as I was quite skinny in those days, but she was very tall and looked even thinner than me.  She wore a scarf on her head and sun glasses and no one ever knew who she was...and I guess being with a kid dressed in a nurse uniform was her celebrity disguise.  She didn't talk a lot and wanted to know about my life.  I told her about my husband and all the softball games he pitched in.  It seemed she liked hearing about anything that wasn't acting.  I wasn't very impressed with the famous folks who came into the office there in Beverly Hills on Wilshire Blvd., including Richard Nixon and Walt Disney (who once also wanted me to keep him company during his breakfast)...I guess because with my dad in the movie industry I was around what one would call "stars" for most of my life. I only thought of people as nice, kind, or mean and nasty.  What a person did for a living never seemed to make a difference much to me. I remember once making friends with the cleaning lady from next door.  The fellow who lived there was the director/producer of the original Godzilla.  Everyone thought he must have been Japanese, but he was Jewish, and I remember he was also a diabetic...his daughter let me play their piano and we would sneak  candy out of his stash for if he went into insulin shock.  I know my indifference to famous or celebrity people was one of the things this Doctor liked about me.

When Martin hired me he didn't know my father was in the movie industry...I think the main requirement was to be somewhat attractive, and very smart (he gave me a math test as part of the interview).  Wow! Now that I think about it...my second job as an RN nurse was perfect for me...awesome, and really fun!