"The Jingle Bell Bum" (Read The Touching True Story...please!) Comment at patriciahanrion.com

"The Jingle Bell Bum" (Read The Touching True Story...please!) Comment at patriciahanrion.com
Still available on Amazon for Nook and Kindle, hard copy booklett to re-print November 2013

Monday, August 20, 2012

Upsidedown! and I have a wrestling match every night!

This week 2012 fall school starts so in an attempt to get myself together and ready for my classes to start I wanted to purge a bit of the house (especially since the mess from the family reunion of 24 extra bodies in the house for almost two weeks...ech!).

 We are the sedate and well mannered family
everyone desires, Ha! just kidding!

Of course in my typical OCD, ADD inability to stay on task as I started to fix our bed...now I say fix because we have a little sleeping issue! (that is an understatement!).  My husband says I slither into bed and lay there like someone in a coma...barely moving...usually with my mouth open and snoring...while he on the other hand is a nomad who cannot stay still or be happy unless every cover of every sheet and blanket has been pulled into a large ball and molded to suit whatever position he decides is the one for the moment...and I do mean moment... Sleeping with him is like being in a meat grinder.

Now we have had this issue for quite some time! Truthfully...from day one of our over 45 year marriage! At first I called him the blanket spool...he would wind up in the covers and leave me with none...and squeeze me out and off the bed (I have a fear of heights...see previous story....mind you we have a very large bed...BUT, It is also very high (I need a stool to get in) and falling off would leave me with scars from some injury or at the very least blood gushing from a deep  wound). 

In our first days of marriage I would get out of bed and move to the other side....only to have him worm his way back over to push me out again.

Have I mentioned the weight issue...when first married I was all of 104...(he is nine inches taller than me) He was at least 205 and I believe the weight disparity has remained the same as years have passed with each of us gaining a few...well more than a few...but anyway, as he gets closer and closer to me, I begin to slide under him and then smother. No wonder when we were first married I would wake up gasping for breath and find him with his chest on top of my head.

So this nightly battle continued until we moved to a house we bought from friends...it was just a transfer of papers between friends...no realtor...no title search, nothing..how cool was that! I think the only closing cost was to purchase deed stamps required to pay off the Spanish-American war ! I'm not kidding! (Thank you again Don and Ann Barnes)

At that time he swore the bed was tilted and in order to sleep he had to have his head at the top of the slant...so he slept upside down most of the time. And I had a romantic view of his feet...(possibly his method of birth control...) 

Then we moved to Santa Clarita and I said there was "no way two bedrooms are slanted" and he should sleep with his head up top like "normal people" (he's never-ever proclaimed to be normal) But I wanted to sleep with something other than a view of his flat feet...

But, he swore he needed to have fresh air in his face and that he could only get it from the window...and he had to sleep upside down to have the cool air hit his face. Yea! Right!, excuses, excuses. 

I'm quite sure now he does it due to the fact that his feet are very-very flat and he wanted me to rub them. He told me his feet always hurt at the end of the day and if I rubbed his then he would massage mine...hm mm...not often did he rub mine now that I think about it...

You may think this would be unacceptable, however this arrangement has not been a bad thing, for several reasons

First, he sleeps hot...and his side of the bed is usually wet from sweating all night and when I started having hot flashes there is no way I wanted to be anywhere near Mr. Radiator.

Second, he has always had huge shoulders...nice protective shoulders, and very nice to hug...but they fill up the bed...so his feet are actually a better fit and give me a tiny bit more room for my coma act.

Third, because he sleeps hot often he is on top of the bed...(this takes his hotness away from my skin..and prevents hot-flashes). With his five pillows strategiacally placed, then he usually takes another blanket just incase he gets cold in the night...fat chance!  (simply another thing for me to fold and put away each day,)  Now I admit I'm a bit of a nut and like a nice flat bed with military, neat, no wrinkles, square corners.  (Could also be the strict nurse training of the 60's)

And then the topper fun upsidedown activity is that we have a TV across the room and when he is upsidedown he uses a mirror to watch the screen. (I swear this is so he can practice his backup techniques...he is the master of backing up the car) The problem is he waves the mirror around and blocks my view of the screen as he starts to fall asleep which is in about three seconds. (weird I know, but this whole thing is a bit strange..don't you think) 

Then I have to pull the mirror from his hand to see the TV because in order to get to sleep I have to watch TV or read for at least an hour to get to sleep..and often in the night wake up again! and then read some more...and many times get  up with only 2-3 hours sleep...and 5 hours of laying flat to keep the sheets neat!

Here I am with Jacob and his sheep at the county fair...I slept alone at Colleen's house and had no feet in my face so you can see....no bags under my eyes...
So if you wonder why I am grumpy or have bags under my eyes...don't ask...now you know why!  Sorry if I'm complaining, but it is Monday for goodness sakes.

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